woman-men-money

Hello, The Holy Month of Ramadhan ! this is maybe the most special year consider what I had gone through few years back then. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. So much blessing and countless gift I have received.

Few days ago I bumped into an old friend, we usually dont talk much but you know-girrllllssss- you could be months not talking then you two end up talking about men for hours. Men is a universal topic. And I hate talking about my thesis and bla bla bla, talking about men giving me more fun lol. What’s interesting is the way she opened the conversation by talking,

“ What such a bullshit that society wants men to be in higher level to woman”.

Anyway she’s a muslim, her hijab falling down cover her bust and she is more knowledgable about islam than I do. In my mind, I instantly connected her statement to muslim stereotype or what written in Holy Quran and hadits. And abviously she just broke that stereotype hehe.

She said she wants a man who will find it okay if she works 9 to 5 and making her own income. So my question was, “Do you find it okay if your man making less income than you do?”, she said,”No, that’s why I’m looking for a man with higher career level so he can make more money” . There are so many high-educated woman nowadays so I personally find it normal if a woman refuse their years of studying going to waste. That why I see there’s a challenge for these well-educated woman to put respect to their husband once they get marry cause woman think that man should always be try harder.

She wants a husband who makes more money than she is-plus-she wont taking any order from her husband cause she wants to be on the same level with him. Then she asked me (btw I made lots of confused expression),

“Oh, C’mon bil. Lets just be realistic, who doesnt not want to marry a guy with money, right ? Don’t you ever get tempted by that?”

She gave me the confused look or like ‘ah really’ look to respond my answer. I maybe gave her the answer she didn’t really wanna hear. I dont really think that woman have to be in lower level to men cause I think in some of condition, that doesnt really work today. But I do believe that a wife should be in under level than her husband. That’s how I raised. And my dad always tell me how i should serve and put respect to my future husband no matter how high my education title is. It is my personal believe and my parents principal so I try to manage that. But I told her, that is right-any woman wants to find a job, get a carrier, buy her own stuff, or maybe back to school again- I do want that. But I dont want to be the worst housewife and let my babysitter to be the mother of my own children. So my princple is just go with the flow but stick into what I plan for my life but when the qadar comes, I have to serve my husband and letting go some of the plan. The point is what I’m trying to say, don't get marry if you're not ready. Cause my dad told me that once I get marry I dont live for myself anymore. I will live for someone else and live based on someone else approval and needs. And I think It’s not always a bad thing. Marriage is a beautiful thing cause it will lead you to so many blessing ahead. It’s just I dont wanna screw things up.

Along the conversation about an ideal men from her standpoint, I asked her so many questions out of curiosity. Cause you know Its rare to find young men who have the faith and the wealth in one package. She said she used to search for a guy who has pontential to be rich, but all she she wants now  is the really wealthy one. And of course she asked what about me. Again, I told her that my parents were starting from zero. The first time my dad proposed to my mom, he’s still in college and didnt have a job. But my mom approved him based on my dad’s faith.

“Kalau menikah berdasarkan tahta, kita gak akan mendapatkan semuanya. 

Tapi kalo kita menikah berdasarkan iman, Allah bakal ngasih semuanya” -papa

And It is approved ! my parents have children, their own house, and they still madly in love until this day. What I love about them, they’re like best friends. They started since zero. They didn’t have money. My dad search for a job in such young age to support the family. My mom helping by anything she could do, selling snacks, cookies and everything. She didn’t have the marriage ring cause my dad couldn’t afford it. And now I have more that any girl could wish for alhamdulillah. But still-my parents case is really rare. But I told her my parents is a living proof, maybe I could do the same. Marrying my best friend, and seeing him based on his faith. I know sounds like a fairytale but I believe what God promises. Me and my friend agree that the case is really rare and my parents are the lucky one. We just never know. But I just stick into with what the way I raise. I love talking with a person who has defferent standpoint and find there’s nothing wrong with different state of mind.

And what I love about her, she’s honest. She’s honest about this whole -woman-men-money thingy. Cause its not easy for woman to talk about what they really want in a man, while the truth is they just want living a nice life after the marriage. It’s principal. I find it nothing wrong in any of those options. Who doesnt want that ?

But !

Like my dad said if i marry based on faith, then I get everything, don’t you ever get tempted by that ? :p

xoxo,